We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.
/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price

     

1.
Another part of my humanity has washed out with the year. Endless moments to spend thinking How could my life end up here? The more of me I put in things, the more disaster that it brings. I’d disappear, and no one’d know, except the people that I owe. Trite attempts at happiness whose price comes all too steep. There’s always the most hope just before despair is reaped. The less mental stability, the less people can take of me. This endless wheel of fucking up, when will I do things well enough? That day will never come. Everything in my life is falling apart. Everything in my fucking life is falling apart. Apart.
2.
Working for a change, but I’m back in the same place. Wasted years, and wasted hope, are thrown back in my face. Tell myself I’ll be alright, but Winter’s coming, Winter’s here. Somehow after all these years, I`m still ruled by self hate and fear. The night, it falls so early, and Winter’s coming, Winter’s here. Walking silent streets alone, to empty houses I call home. I spent my life building shelter, but I’ve got nothing to show. I’m gonna burn down my whole life, and everything I know. Tell myself I’ll be alright, but Winter’s coming, Winter’s here. Somehow after all these years, I`m still ruled by self hate and fear. The night, it falls so early, and Winter’s coming, Winter’s here. Walking silent streets alone, to empty houses I call home. Even when it`s so cold you can’t sleep, and you can see your breath. I still drink my water with ice, I’ve got this masochistic streak to run through my whole life. My obit’s going to read, ”World’s slowest self-demolition finally complete” I can’t feel my hands, and my heart is numb. Living in the land of the setting sun.
3.
Bootstrap kings chant slogans, as hopeful as meaningless. Resurrect the American Dream, the Island Self of naive success. And every song tells me to look for ’What`s Inside’ But there’s nothing there, I’ve died so much to stay alive. Emptiness and Apathy sound better than vulnerability to a world that wants me dead, I reject your platitudes instead. Self help gurus with microphones try to sell their PMA. You don’t know my mind, or the days I’ve stepped so close to graves. And sometimes I want it to be true, believe that I could start anew, but that’s not what it`s like for people like me. And self delusion will not set you free. And every song tells me to look for ’What`s Inside’ But there’s nothing there, I`ve died so much to stay alive. Pessimism doesn’t mean I’ve failed, it`s defense against a world derailed. Your words don’t resonate, I`ve lost the ability to relate. Packed empty rooms, desires entombed. I think I’d kill for something more. With silent days, a turn of phrase. I think I’ve lost what I am fighting for. We raise our eyes but cannot see. There is so little left of me, There is so little left of me. I don’t believe in Happiness. I just believe in Emptiness.
4.
2926 00:58
Does the emptiness come from me or the room that I am in? Lift your voice and sing the anthems of our youth turned sour notes again. Can’t close my eyes because my mind takes me to places too painful to stay. With daily reminders around me of how I managed to fail in every way. Living every day and night in a mass grave of memories. You can’t unhear, you can’t unsee, the echoes of a life that couldn’t be. Can’t open my eyes because my mind takes me to places too painful to stay. With daily reminders around me of how I managed to fail in every way.
5.
Feeling Another year slip through my hands. That’s the sound you hear when you know you've failed, but there’s no turning back Fearing to write down one more cliched verse. It`s not just that I’m stagnant, it`s that I’m becoming worse. No Arc of Triumph for my return, No transcendence, and nothing learned. So much changed, but it feels the same. One home lost, with nothing gained. My only continuity is shame and volatility. Take me back to the days that never were. Losing what little hope that I had left. And yesterdays are like former lives filled with promises not kept. Choosing to let the illness rest in me. And when my eyes are tired that black spot still follows me. No Arc of Triumph for my return, No transcendence, and nothing learned. So much changed, but it feels the same. One home lost, with nothing gained. My only continuity is shame and volatility. Take me back to the days that never were. And my mind, like the Kansas sky, threatens to swallow me. Every moment of my life collapsing into one single memory. They say you can’t go back. And I know that you can’t go back. But I`m living my future keeping my head stuck in the past.
6.
These are the thoughts that I try to resist. I don’t think there’s a place that I can exist. Not in connection, or community. I turn to rust everything I see. And how can this not seem like the end? A lifetime filled with the same mistakes I make over and over again. Just like this song I've heard before, Just like this life I've lived before. I`m too full of memories, and words spoken like eulogies: ”Living like this is killing me,” well living like this is killing me, so Burn me alive. I harm myself too much for others to bear. When I look to the future, nothing's there. I've gained an inch for all the miles that I've fought. I raise a prayer to the suicidal God. Burn me alive, it will provide the only light I have to use as a guide. And even martyr fantasies are manifestations of my vanity. Burn me alive, I can't do this again. All beginnings echo their predetermined end. And bury me where the roots cannot reach, so I'll be dead the way that I was alive. Alone.

about

A long unawaited second Ep.

credits

released April 28, 2014

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

A Constant Refrain Berkeley, California

Hardcore for those who don't want to stay posi

contact / help

Contact A Constant Refrain

Streaming and
Download help

Report this album or account

If you like A Constant Refrain, you may also like: